Marriaging is Hard!
Lately all I can do with my wife is fight with her. Okay, argue. Okay, discuss. Whatever verbiage you want to choose from the Ladder of Communication is fine with me. I've fallen into the trap that has buoyed the horrid stand-up routines and sitcoms throughout time - "How The Hell Do You Live with The Opposite Sex?"
What's scary is how volatile I've become - rages aren't infrequent, yelling and storming out seems appropriate more often than not, and then of course, the inevitable wretchedness of the Sorries. Sorry this, Sorry that, Sorry for Everything. Common household objects such as socks, dishes and mail have become titanic sources of wrath. For both of us.
It's so common that it ought to be a crime, some sort of petty misdemeanor that is expunged off your criminal record in a few months or years. "Booked for Screeching About Detergent - January, 2005" , "Multiple Arrests Stemming from Credit Card Bill Payments Left on Kitchen Table - Summer of 2003" , "Did Time for Debating Dog Walking Chores - Fall 1999"
The cops could lock you up for a weekend and force you to watch Leo Buscaglia films with a soft-spoken intermediary to work off the fines or whatever. Or you'd have to be Santa at a mall during Christmas Season. To teach you patience and acknowledging a loved one's needs.
I'm just tired of the mundanity of even having conversations about stuff like this, honestly. Do I want on my tombstone : Fought Over Socks? I walk by the other apartments around here, the other houses, and I wonder what they are arguing about.
I feel like I should get some uniform together and go house-to-house with a nametag on my jacket and do surveys for the common good. "Excuse me, Mr. White? Hi, Steve with Arguers Anonymous. Yes, it is a lovely night, sir. Can you tell me what types of ridiculous household objects are currently unravelling the state of your marriage to Mrs. White? Plastic stemware, plush toys for Kitty Boo, and bathrobes? Um hm. Thank you, Mr. White. Please take this stress ball as our free gift and I'll let you get back to watching t.v. alone in the dark of your living room now. Thanks."
What's scary is how volatile I've become - rages aren't infrequent, yelling and storming out seems appropriate more often than not, and then of course, the inevitable wretchedness of the Sorries. Sorry this, Sorry that, Sorry for Everything. Common household objects such as socks, dishes and mail have become titanic sources of wrath. For both of us.
It's so common that it ought to be a crime, some sort of petty misdemeanor that is expunged off your criminal record in a few months or years. "Booked for Screeching About Detergent - January, 2005" , "Multiple Arrests Stemming from Credit Card Bill Payments Left on Kitchen Table - Summer of 2003" , "Did Time for Debating Dog Walking Chores - Fall 1999"
The cops could lock you up for a weekend and force you to watch Leo Buscaglia films with a soft-spoken intermediary to work off the fines or whatever. Or you'd have to be Santa at a mall during Christmas Season. To teach you patience and acknowledging a loved one's needs.
I'm just tired of the mundanity of even having conversations about stuff like this, honestly. Do I want on my tombstone : Fought Over Socks? I walk by the other apartments around here, the other houses, and I wonder what they are arguing about.
I feel like I should get some uniform together and go house-to-house with a nametag on my jacket and do surveys for the common good. "Excuse me, Mr. White? Hi, Steve with Arguers Anonymous. Yes, it is a lovely night, sir. Can you tell me what types of ridiculous household objects are currently unravelling the state of your marriage to Mrs. White? Plastic stemware, plush toys for Kitty Boo, and bathrobes? Um hm. Thank you, Mr. White. Please take this stress ball as our free gift and I'll let you get back to watching t.v. alone in the dark of your living room now. Thanks."
posted by Stefush at 6:17 PM
7 Comments:
So, you know that, when you fight over stuff like this, that something else is actually the matter, right? You should steal flowers for her, or tell her how her love makes you want to be a better person.
You could also try picking up your freakin' socks! How freakin' hard is that? Wants to be the ubermensch, doesn't have the discipline to pick up his freakin' socks. I'd like to say "typical gen Xer," but actually it's just typical in general. TV has eaten our soul.
Damn you television! Damn you to hell! << leaps from the cliff cradling the television lovingly until the end >>
Oh Anonymous - I have my ideas on who you might be. I hope I'm right. Cowardly little comment service will not allow true names to be given. Cowardly, cowardly little comment service.
I feel strongly that Uber and Mensch should not be kept in the same word. The word Mensch dissipates the intensity of the word Uber. Actually, it's interesting that considering Germany's former stance towards the Jewish faith, that the words Uber and Mensch co-exist. Conflicting etymologies. To be honest, I'd like to start a chain of donut shops known as the Ubermensch Bakery. "I'm going to Uber's - anyone want anything?"
And, getting back to your original point, yes, I do know that the socks are not the primary source. The look, the feel, of cotton - the unravelling of our lives! We all want our little fiefdoms, marriage or no. Our little moments of power. Even me, the Uberest of the Ubermensches, wants to know I can bring the hammer down on insignificant points.
We'll see. The Sock Sources are being cleaned as we speak.
All names are lies.
I've been married 22 years - and have to say if my marriage was like yours sounds - it would not have lasted 2 years. RESPECT is what it is all about. Sounds like you 2 need to find it for each other or continue to live in a battleground.
Kudos to Squareslant for being the first verifiable fellow Blogger writer to comment on this rag. Check her site out - she's a hottie.
As for Stefush Fan, whoever you are, rest assured I will shower you with lotus petals and adirondack fuzz for being such a beautiful person. If you would prefer more fuzz or more petals, please indicate that in another comment.
I can't help it - Stefush Fan is cracking me up - have to thank him for giving me a great laugh! Yes -I played one game of Bingo on a cruise..therefore I am a monster. Too funny!
Let's see I am also suppose to think Bush is a Christian. Personally I just don't care what he beleives and long as I am not forced to beleive it. If it works for him - fine. I am uncomfortable with religion, but others have the right to believe in any God they want.
As for not wanting others people's children foisted upon me - guilty as charge! I raised mine, loved her, and my motto is "healthy birds leave the nest" - mine is a healthy bird! The best part - when she left the second honeymoon began!
It seems to me Stefush is very bigoted, but he made me laugh so he is forgiven for judging me.
Steve hang in there and always remember why you got married in the first place.
Now, wait a minute - no need to use the "b" word here, we're all friends. Stefush Fan is not bigoted, just sarcastic as hell. (Or so I'm hoping - just my luck, my first fan turns out to be a rabid idealogue. Go figure.)
I think there's room enough on When You Were 5 for all sorts of stances, be they Floridian Cruise Hotties who vote Red to people who would filter me from same.
Personally, I'd like to believe that WyW5 could become a clearinghouse for all sorts of ideas, and that this rag would serve as a healing tonic for our troubled, purple nation. Failing that, I just wanna be ogled by literate, beautiful women who will coo at me while we dine alfresco in a cultured, urban setting.
Post a Comment
<< Home