Manifesto for the Death of the Downtown Core Retreat Center
Excerpts taken from talks given at the Retreat's Opening Day Sleeping Bag Breakfast given by Dr. Miles Ositch, Director:
"...I believe there should be a de-programming center for anyone who's spent more than a year in corporate America. I believe anyone who's had to sit in a cubicle for longer than 6 months should be allowed to visit a farm, given an old walking stick and allowed to roam.
"...For every hour of computer screen time they've given to their corporations, an equal amount of fireplace time will be granted. Entire floors of beautifully-appointed lodges in Aspen, Colorado and upstate New York will be renovated for this purpose.
"...I believe that anyone who's ever been "tasked with a deliverable", "assigned an action item", or has the rider of "able to multitask effectively" added to their job description will be allowed to read children's books, illuminated texts from the 13th century, or listen to gospel music until they are again comfortable with human speech.
"...Anyone who's ever participated in a conference call, videoconference or bi-coastal meeting will be allowed to walk away from the others and pet bunnies until they fall asleep.
"...Everyone will be granted 100% organic cotton, hemp or Scottish boating sweaters to lounge in for the duration of their stay. All khakis, bright-neon blouses, pumps and button-down shirts will be taken and burned at the foot of the Skyscraper Effigy on the first night."
"...There is no bottom line, right or smart or down-sized version of anything. Anyone who comes to the retreat with this in mind will be issued a shovel, a flipchart, and a pencil and allowed all the time they need to find it on our premises."
"...Market Shares are days given over to group walks to the Co-Op."
"...anyone who says they're pumped, psyched, fired-up, or really excited about anything will be given over for psychiatric evaluation. After which they will be granted a puppy."
"...anyone visiting with a career in HR will be granted full access to the arts and crafts room, isolation tanks, and nightly Sodium Pentathol cocktails with their therapists."
"...it is with these ideas in mind that we harbor refugees from all walks of Corporate America. Give us your fired, your sore, your befuddled working classes yearning to breathe, period."
"...I believe there should be a de-programming center for anyone who's spent more than a year in corporate America. I believe anyone who's had to sit in a cubicle for longer than 6 months should be allowed to visit a farm, given an old walking stick and allowed to roam.
"...For every hour of computer screen time they've given to their corporations, an equal amount of fireplace time will be granted. Entire floors of beautifully-appointed lodges in Aspen, Colorado and upstate New York will be renovated for this purpose.
"...I believe that anyone who's ever been "tasked with a deliverable", "assigned an action item", or has the rider of "able to multitask effectively" added to their job description will be allowed to read children's books, illuminated texts from the 13th century, or listen to gospel music until they are again comfortable with human speech.
"...Anyone who's ever participated in a conference call, videoconference or bi-coastal meeting will be allowed to walk away from the others and pet bunnies until they fall asleep.
"...Everyone will be granted 100% organic cotton, hemp or Scottish boating sweaters to lounge in for the duration of their stay. All khakis, bright-neon blouses, pumps and button-down shirts will be taken and burned at the foot of the Skyscraper Effigy on the first night."
"...There is no bottom line, right or smart or down-sized version of anything. Anyone who comes to the retreat with this in mind will be issued a shovel, a flipchart, and a pencil and allowed all the time they need to find it on our premises."
"...Market Shares are days given over to group walks to the Co-Op."
"...anyone who says they're pumped, psyched, fired-up, or really excited about anything will be given over for psychiatric evaluation. After which they will be granted a puppy."
"...anyone visiting with a career in HR will be granted full access to the arts and crafts room, isolation tanks, and nightly Sodium Pentathol cocktails with their therapists."
"...it is with these ideas in mind that we harbor refugees from all walks of Corporate America. Give us your fired, your sore, your befuddled working classes yearning to breathe, period."
posted by Stefush at 9:07 AM
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