Things That Should Happen

Once again, the Land of Talk claims me. I am now watching Ellen every day. I look at a clock now and say "Ellen" when I look at the 11 hand. Today I have these observations:

1. I now believe that every toddler should be given a miniature, fake George Foreman Grill at birth. Nothing is cuter than a small infant cradling their own portable barbeque grill. I can see their parents scampering around the townhouse now - "Where's your grill, Kelsey? Get your grill!" I predict the George Foreman Grill will replace the Teddy Bear in the pantheon of toddler affections in this new millenium.

2. Inside every pop diva, there is a track star waiting to break out. Witness Ashanti and her prowess at the long jump. Actually, inside every pop diva there's a monster booty waiting to break out. Witness Ashanti and her prowess at shaking everything below her waist while still singing at peak volume.

3. Watching Leah Remini from the King of Queens and Ellen singing karaoke to Pat Benatar is not only cute, but oddly erotic. I believe that karaoke is a hidden source of sexual power. The geekiest hidden source.

More tomorrow! And everyone reading this blog goes home with a copy of Ashanti's new CD, Booty Monster Gonna Eat Your Grill Baby!